Just when I was losing faith in ppl it's been restored!

Yeah for what it's worth I was in a bit of a funk today! Maybe cuz I've had larynigitis for the past 6 days so now it's turning into a head cold! Or cuz my ex-wife who just came back from 5 days on Saltspring Island with her boyfriend got pissed at me about a minor thing! Bet u probably thought I was jealous about her boyfriend? No I'm pass that stage as I'm happy for her if he treats her good. As I still love her & want to see her happy! I'm basically not a jealous person cuz jealousy is just insecurity!

Since I separated from my ex-wife I've just wanted to be happy and carefree! I didn't (still don't) have many friends! So I've wanted to have friends/acquaintances/ppl to hang out with! I'll refer to them as acquaintances! Ideally I like ppl who at the spur of the moment are willing to do things. Cuz I'm kind of a spontaneous person who doesn't plan too far ahead

I've always got along better with chicks than guys. Maybe cuz I'm tired of the testosterone thing about guys! How we can't be truthful in front of our guy pals, etc.! Hey I've been thru but am past that stage! I feel I can be myself with chicks no matter their age, ideas, values, etc. Or so I thought!!!!!

When a guy ends a LTR they either go looking for a replacement on the rebound, look for a quick fix and show little respect, hang out with their current friends or just try to be friends with chicks. Well I was never great hitting on chicks or had many friends so making friends is what works for me!

When my ex-wife and I sold our home and a couple investments I decided to just enjoy life and do what I've always wanted to do which is work part time, volunteer and travel. Cuz I don't have any obligations, responsibilities and have just enough coin to do what I want without being a burden on anyone. I have no desire to own another home, car or anything that will tie me down! So I moved into an apartment with 2 young chicks (just so happened and not by choice) and their stay overnight boyfriends, etc. I'm easy going and all the shit going on doesn't bother me cuz we each go our own way! So we live in downtown Vancouver which can be quite a place for always finding ppl and things going on all the time!

So I've had a pretty wicked summer of hanging out, running, camping, hiking, attending and volunteering at festivals. I've worked part time at some crappy jobs which pay nothing compared to the $ I made working in IT computer software development. But shit $ and things they buy never excited me! So I guess I can't complain and shit who'd listen anyway.

But the one thing that has puzzled me all this summer is how to meet and make friends!!!!
I've met a lot of ppl and keep in touch with very few as I was never good at calling ppl (cuz I hate using my phone). I've met a lot of great chicks and guys but the chicks are the ones who puzzle me. Before and since my marriage I've always got along with chicks cuz they know I'm harmless and wouldn't hit on them! No I'm not gay but just a guy who respects and likes most chicks for their company! Yeah I may flirt with them but I'm honest to a fault as I tell them exactly what I think!

Now I'm slowly finding out that no matter how well I think I know a chick "that maybe I shouldn't be totally honest with them". But I don't mean play head games with them cuz if there's anything I hate it's that or wondering what they think! So I've always tried to make it perfectly clear that I have an ex-wife, am a free spirit don't really give a shit kind of guy, don't have a job or future and not looking for anything but friends to hang out with, etc. Plus they can see that I'm quirky, weird looking, short, older, bic'd my head, have crazy piercings, dress shitty and so not look great looking or someone chicks would want to be seen with! Oh did I say I'm also Japanese Canadian so guess I'm what ppl label an Asian tho I've never lived in Asia, speak only English, etc having been born in Canada but hey what's a tag? But basically in the social scheme of things I'm probably viewed as a Loser by chicks for any kind of relationship. But that works for me cuz I'm not interested in one, so I don't lose any sleep over that shit. Guess I'm non conventional as I'm my own person. So I don't have an inferior complex or ego problem. I've had the one great love of my life, been discarded and now I'm going to do what I want!

But u know I still love chicks as acquaintances (I'd say friends but don't understand what they are these days) so I've made a few acquaintances or buddies. I have smoking, dancing, activity, biking, wine drinking, volunteering buddies & ones I can talk with if I want, etc. So have some acquaintances but most of the time I don't keep in touch or call them to do things!

But I email as I'm a big talker (as u'll see by this blog) so can be very chatty! Mostly I've use CL & met some cool ppl who I hang out with for a day, camping weekend, festival, etc. Then I don't usually see them anymore but not cuz I don't like them. I'm just not great at keeping in touch cuz then I'd have to do things at regular intervals. Shit that starts to boarder on commitment, plans, guilt comes in when u don't keep in touch, relationship, etc. All the things that sound like what I had in my marriage but not in such a deep state.

I'm honest to a fault so I tell ppl what I think and most of the time it's positive nice compliments cuz let's face it all chicks are beautiful! But if there is something that I don't like or someone piss esme off hey I'm not Mr. Tact so it just comes out! But can't recall telling too many ppl off lately. No I take that back cuz last week someone stepped on my toes when I had flip flops on in the Sky Train. So I kindly told the lady "Can't u watch where the f*ck u step as u just Fu*kin stepped on my foot". Needless to say the entire rush hour train car probably heard but who cares as I said what I thought!

Well on the long weekend I went camping and by accident this chick and I ended up going in my car cuz we both didn't want to stay the 3 days. Plus the other vehicle had only room for 1 more.
I had never met her before but we hung out for 2 days having a few laughs, sarcasm, playing jokes on each other. Plus we had similar interests and felt really comfortable talking etc.. So it was hard to believe that we only knew each other for 2 days. Now I'm not saying it was love or whatever but it kind of caught me off guard! I didn't think of anything other than telling her that I felt really comfortable and it scared me as I didn't want anything but a good time.
So I sent an email saying how great a time I had, how nice she was, she was the type of chick that had everything that I would want in a girl & if I ever joined the human race again it would be for a chick like her. But for self preservation I told her I couldn't contact her again. But
had no real idea what she thought. So a few weeks went by and I went to Shambhala and had a great time, etc. Then I thought shit u know life is too short and if I get along with someone what the heck why not just enjoy their company and f*ck the consequences! So I sent another email to say that and let's hang out! Well never heard back so figured she was avoiding me cuz I guess my initial email maybe cut a bit deep! But finally I got an email from her which said “I had a great time hanging out with you too......and you didn't imagine anything....we did click! I think it's because we are both free spirits....Thanks for the many compliments in your emails. You are truly unique and possess many qualities but in particular, you have a really kind heart. You don't find people like that any more. We are friends......but after reading all your emails.....I'm not too sure that it would be a good idea to hang out right now. It sounds like you may end up being interested in more than what would be possible. We can keep in touch though.......:" yada yada, yada!

I was a bit surprised so just said yeah OK. But then thought what the shit! What the hell does staying in touch mean? We live in the same city so doesn't staying in touch mean having a java or whatever? Or do we call each other like chicks do and talk for hours? Yeah well I don’t do phone calls well but do make some calls! So I thought shit I don’t understand but who am I too dispute it! All I wanted to do is hang out and enjoy ourselves again. Heck we were only acquaintances not even friends.

I wasn’t hurt or mad per say as I only knew her from that one weekend and was being honest or so I thought! But I'm a bit disappointed that my honestly and compliments ruined a possible friendship! So I was in a funk about all that cuz why can’t I be honest and complimentary as I’m always been that way with ppl!
No problem but it’s crazy why ppl can’t just hang out and have fun without all these mind games especially if u'r only acquaintances. Shit I thought here's a chick who's free spirited like me! So we could talk and just hang out and if anything happens but neither wants it than adios! Also I’ll be leaving the country travelling to Central and South America in Oct for a year. So for 6 weeks why not hang out but maybe my email didn’t state it clearly.

But I realize that I probably don’t fully understand chicks cuz I’ve been out of touch the social scene of meeting ppl for a long time. So do I have to make it clear that I want to just hang out to do things as opposed to going on a date & hitting on a chick? Shit maybe I didn't say all those things and never knew it! But oh well it’s not the end of the world but it's just a shame we couldn’t have at least become friends! But u know after all that BS I still think the world of her and would hang out with her. But if it ain’t going to happen at least we enjoyed one fun weekend!

U know maybe I’m just a romantic cuz I met another chick who I also thought was so amazing! We hit it off as we talked and hung out & spent a bit of time together. She was such an awesome person who is the type of person a guy could really fall for! So I told her what I thought in all honestly and complimented her without making it seem like I was hitting on her - I think. She didn't go off the deep end but thanked me for the compliments as she’s a bit shy and not used to my outgoing crazy ways! But I told her I don’t think it's a good idea to stay in contact cuz she was in a committed relationship (so that ended me making any more honest stupid remarks). She agreed that we not stay in contact as she felt uncomfortable! So I have no trouble with that as I’d rather remember the good time we had and not cause her any discomfort or have her hate me! Cuz I'm just out to enjoy myself and life!

But u know after both those incidents I’ve come to realize as I’ve been writing this post.
I think by telling them the truth and being complimentary that maybe I was hitting on them. Shit that’s how stupid I am as I didn’t realize it.

So I need some experience & understanding where I draw the line from being honest and complimenting a chick & not hitting on them I guess! Wow I think it was a lot easier being married cuz u only hang out with one chick and there are no ground rules!

But I also got an email today that restored my faith in chicks! This chick from England is in BC for 6 wks to get some work experience for her oceanography degree. She was looking for someone to go sea kayaking as she was quite experienced. Now I’ve always wanted to try it so I was honest and said yeah I’d like to try it but I’ve never done it so u probably wouldn’t want me to do it with u! But unlike most chicks she didn't ignore my reply but was kind enough to respond and said no problem we could do it some time. Well I kind of forgot about it until today when she emailed to apologize as things got busy. She’s leaving in a week and wished me luck!
U know I never met her or hung out with her. But I have so much respect for this chick who was nice enough to email to tell me that she didn’t have time! She is the type of chick I'd want to hang out with. One who isn’t in this self protection mode and worrying if a guy is hitting on them. I told her I’d like to keep in touch cuz she was an awesome person!

If a chick & guy are friends and if the guy starts to hit on the chick (does it happen?). Then if the chick doesn't like it why can't she just be honest & tell the guy to take a hike? I figure most guys have enough pride that they won’t hang around where they aren’t welcome and surely they aren’t aggressive. But then again if guys don’t show any interest in a chick then their egos are bruised and if a guy does show interest than they become scared. Wow I’m confused as maybe I’ve been married too long so this is all BS to me. Cuz why can’t ppl (whether they’re guys or chicks) just hang out & have a good time? Should age, sex, color, physical appearance, looks, etc. really matter if u'r hanging out? Shit some sad looking ppl are more fun and nice than some so called hot looking pll who are full of them selves, boring and can’t carry on a conversation!

So after my incidents I think when I meet new ppl I think I’ll just do things with them and then move on. Cuz I don’t need the head games, etc. of even being friends and contacting them again. Shit life is too short plus maybe being honest and complimentary is considered hitting on a chick. It would hard for me to be sneaky and not tell ppl what I think and try to make a play for them! Shit I don’t want to play games cuz if I can’t be myself than f*ck it I’d rather hang out by myself like I did at the Shambhala festival! I find that I’m becoming more and more of a loner when it comes to doing things. I know I’ll be off traveling soon and make a bunch of acquaintances, have a good time and then pass like 2 ships in the night. Guess that’s what I’m good at doing so I’ll probably keep doing that. I don't worry about being lonely cuz there’s a billion ppl on this planet and most are approachable to hang out for one day or weekend. Then so what if they think that u’r tying to hit on them! I mean is hitting on a chick like being an ax murderer , like is it a crime?

I was talking to my roommate today and she said hell chicks have this phobia about being hit on even between each other. F*ck what kind of society do we live in? I don’t remember all this shit before I got married. Maybe I should become a hermit. But wait a minute I just remember that I’m heading off to this bonfire music festival this weekend with a new acquaintance. Oh well I’ll enjoy the company for the weekend and then whatever!

But that's OK cuz I'm probably more at ease with being acquaintances than taking the next step of becoming friends (whatever that is these days). Plus no one I've met has wanted to meet up again so we just become like 2 ships passing in the night which works for me!!!!

"Seize the moment without hesitating & just enjoy it for what it's worth! Cuz you'll never have a chance to re live that time again"!